I’ve posted before about some of my subway commute stories, yesterday’s was surely priceless, you cannot make this stuff up.
I sit across from 2 guys on the subway. Their conversation came to a screeching halt as I sat down – I could feel it.
Guy 1: dammmmmn ma! (says something in spanish)
Guy 2: yea, i’m like oh my gawd!
Me: hahaha, you guys are hilarious. Thanks!
Guy 1: you look real nice though.
Guy 2: the way that scarf is tied up.
Me: thank you (smile).
Guy 1: you know you look better than Tyra, right?
Guy 1: yea cause she got that forehead.
Me: I have a forehead too though (move bangs to side to show him)
Guy 1: nah, it looks good tho. is that yo hair though?
Guy 1: I know if you bought it it’s yours, but is that forreal yours?
Me: Yes, it’s mine.
Guy 2: I like the way you have it tossed up in that clip with the bangs out.
Me: literal lol, thanks. (subway passengers look bewildered that i’m entertaining these two)
Guy 1: Well whas ya name ma?
Me: Kim, you?
Guy 1: You can call me “Ojos Verde“
Me: Oh, green eyes? Okay.
Guy 1: You got a phone? (gesture shows 3 cell phones clipped to his waistband)
Me: Looks like you have plenty.
Guy 1: Can I have your number?
Me: I can’t do that sir.
Guy 1: why not?
Guy 2: cause i’m sittin right here n*gga, she not about to play me for you
Me: ha! (wow, he totally saved me with that one)
Guy 1: you got kids?
Guy 1: how old are you? (at this point i notice his tear drop tattoo, oh sh*t, he’s an ex-con)
Me: don’t you know you’re not supposed to ask a lady that question?
Guy 1: i’m just sayin ma, you could look 22, and be like, 17, and then a n*gga’s locked down again.
Me: (he just seconded my inner thought, ex-con for sure) How old do I look?
Guy 1: 22. As long as you 22 and up, we good. I’m 44, I don’t do younger than 22.
Me: I’m 25, isn’t 22 a little too young for you?
Guy 1: Nah, ma.
Me (to guy 2): What do you think about that? 22 too young for 44?
Guy 2: I think whatever you want me to think.
Guy 1: so you got kids?
Me (is this train moving backwards? where is my stop!?): no, you?
Guy 1: nah. I got a niece I used to take care of back in the day though, she already got 6 kids, had them when I was locked down. Ain’t that crazy? I used to take care of her, I ain’t go no kids, and she already got 6.
Me: no kids by choice?
Guy 1: I’m tryin to further my…retain…acquire more knowledge right now. Workin on that right now.
Me: oh okay, I feel you.
Guy 1: At a time, there were 4 generations living in my grandmother’s house. My grandmother before she passed, bless her soul, my mother, my sister, my niece, her children….wait that’s 5 generations, that’s wild right?
Me: yea, it’s beautiful.
Guy 1: You know, when my grandmother passed she died on New Year’s Eve. Died a painless death, the doctor said he hopes he goes that easily. That’s crazy right?
Me: (wow, this conversation got real heavy, real fast, thank God my stop is next) wow. Well this is my stop!
Guy 1: Next time you see me, it’s going to be a different situation, I’ma have a suit & tie on like Eddie Murphy in Trading Places.
Guy 2: N*gga, you crazy! Haha.
Me: have a good day.
Guy 1: I’ll see you around then.
Me: (please God don’t let him see me around)
The express train downstairs was awaiting my arrival, perfect!