I was at a vendor dinner about a month ago & we all started talking about the infamous dating sites: match.com, eharmony, & jdate. It was a mixed crowd, so I, with the help of a fellow coworker, was trying to explain that those sites were not truly meant ‘for us’. I have never once heard of a successful black relationship that started on any of those sites (facebook flirting perhaps, but not via dating sites).
Anyhow, ended up with me having a page up on JDate the next day. Yes, Jdate, & no, i’m not jewish. I put up a picture & skipped the majority of the questions to fill out a ‘profile’ & signed up for a one month membership. Apparently, if I chose to want to date any of the skeevey men who jumped at the opportunity to be with a hot black girl online, I could have. But something just really put me off about the whole process…I couldn’t get into it.
Jdate literally sends about 3 emails a day. They plan singles trips, send flirt & email notifications, missed chat opportunities, etc. I must say, they go hard for you, & I wish something like this did exist in my community (note, must tell the speed dating story). Well, my membership is over tomorrow, so tonight I checked in to do some last minute browsing after wasting a full month of possibly meeting some nice jewish men.
I had a couple entertaining emails, plenty of “flirts”, “e-cards”, & a few chats popped up as soon as I logged in. I thought it would be interesting to indulge for a moment and accept the chat…
This guy seems to be a nice person but something disturbs me about this entire convo (maybe the biting or the children?), and yes, it is totally real, didn’t edit a single thing except his phone #. His profile noted that he’s 37 in CT & divorced with 3 children. His occupation: wine maker. His picture wasn’t so bad, except for the one of him in his convertible (you could tell he thought he was way too cool in it).
Read on (what adult man chooses gummybear as a profile name?).
gummybear736: hi kim
NYCGirl: i seriously barely know how to even use this, lol
gummybear736: So, tell me what you know/think of jewish men?
NYCGirl: i dont think they’re different from any other men really
NYCGirl: what do you think of black girls?
gummybear736: oh, are we trying to stereo type now?
gummybear736: i think that in general….
gummybear736: jewish men idolize their women,
gummybear736: and treat them like queens
NYCGirl: oh really?
gummybear736: i dont have much experience dating them
gummybear736: or any actually:)
NYCGirl: i think you’re right, we should steer clear from stereotypes
NYCGirl: why are you on jdate if you dont date jewish women?
gummybear736: i used to think that i knew it all
gummybear736: and i was married to a yeshiva educated woman for 12 years
gummybear736: so obviously, being jewish is not the solution to happiness
NYCGirl: i could see that
NYCGirl: doubt that any single quality would do it
gummybear736: i think i have black ancestors by the way
gummybear736: i def have a jew fro
NYCGirl: makes no difference to me either way
gummybear736: and the jews all lived in egypt for a along time
gummybear736: tell me more about
gummybear736: what are your best and worst qualities?
gummybear736: and dont say your short game
gummybear736: is kim still there?
NYCGirl: oh, i’m sorry, changed screens
gummybear736: no worries, you were about to tell me everything about you
NYCGirl: ugh, the tough questions
NYCGirl: it took us long enough to create answers for my profile…so hard to get yourself into a box that way
gummybear736: you profile is blank. dont be shy….
NYCGirl: is it really? shows how much i know about this…
gummybear736: all i can tell about you is that you are like me in that you like to work and play hard
gummybear736: something about fashion
NYCGirl: yea lately i’ve been less into playing hard
gummybear736: and you were looking to be swept off your feet by a strong macho wine lover
NYCGirl: oooh is that what it says?
NYCGirl: i am drinking a moscato as we speak
gummybear736: nice. i see you have some good taste:)
gummybear736: i love desert wines, expecially by the fireplace at night
gummybear736: so, back to the tougher questions. ready?
gummybear736: whats your favorite britney song?
NYCGirl: gimme more
gummybear736: i have circus and both lady gaga songs stuck in my head
gummybear736: did you know i have triplet daughters?
NYCGirl: that’s a lot to handle
gummybear736: they are 8, born on valentines day, and i am clearly the luckiest man alive
gummybear736: i love being a dad
gummybear736: so, do your co-workers often try to set you up?
NYCGirl: aww, that’s really awesome. special bond between a dad and his daughters.
NYCGirl: no, my coworkers don’t try to set me up often
NYCGirl: the idea came up at a vendor dinner & was taken a little too far
gummybear736: sounds kind of funny
NYCGirl: i really cannot believe i’m chatting right now, because i so don’t do this
NYCGirl: but i figured it could be interesting to respond
gummybear736: i have three younger brothers
gummybear736: one met his wife on jdate
gummybear736: and celebrated their anniversary yesterday
gummybear736: the other is moving in with his great girlfriend of 3 years that he met on jdate
gummybear736: so i know of a few wonderful successes
gummybear736: when was your last serious relationship? what did you do to the poor guy?
NYCGirl: it ended a while ago, but relatively amicably..
gummybear736: thats good.
gummybear736: i am very friendly with my ex, so no big drama there
gummybear736: tell me more about u
gummybear736: u are holdig back
gummybear736: i dont bite
gummybear736: at least not on a first date
NYCGirl: uh oh, you’re trouble
NYCGirl: i can tell by that last comment…
gummybear736: you dont like a little biting?
gummybear736: just kidding
gummybear736: i want to know more about your values. tell me
NYCGirl: ur mixing up values & biting in the same convo…the duality is troubling
gummybear736: i am an enigma wrapped in a riddle
gummybear736: if you get to know me at all,
gummybear736: you will find that i jump around a lot
gummybear736: it can be hard for some to keep up
gummybear736: especially when i skip the midlle parts…
gummybear736: but, values are sexy, no?
gummybear736: lets just skip than to the one most important question.
gummybear736: tellme when you are ready
NYCGirl: umm, i could see how values could be sexy, yes
NYCGirl: ok, whats the most important question
gummybear736: it really the only thing that i am interested in right now…
gummybear736: here it goes
gummybear736: Are you nice and big hearted?
gummybear736: the rest doesnt matter
NYCGirl: this is an unpopular answer, i know, but … not always
NYCGirl: different people have the capacity to bring out different parts of me
NYCGirl: and it’s not always nice & big hearted
NYCGirl: but it is always honest
gummybear736: i can appreciate honesty
gummybear736: but i have no tolerance for arrogance
gummybear736: or just being rude to people
gummybear736: this is the hardest thing i have found dating
gummybear736: is that so many people are insecure, and are rude to cover up for it
NYCGirl: hmm…i don’t date often so i cannot relate, but totally agree that blanket arrogance & rudeness is ugly
gummybear736: did you grow up in this area?
gummybear736: kim, i have to hop on a conference call with a bunch of kiwis. if you would like chat, send me a message at 203-6** 6**6 we can talk about, god, religion, love, and how it all relates to the world of golf. cheers.
*** gummybear736’s IM window is closed
Well, safe to say, I will not be calling him. No desire to chat any further about any of the aforementioned topics with total stranger from the internet.
**funny story** when searching for another pic to add to this posting, i found a posting on a blog back in ’07 that says the times square jdate billboard was replaced with a blacksingles.com billboard. I go to the site & it says this email adddress is already in use, click here to reactivate your profile.
Sigh. Chuckle. Sigh again. Have another sip of wine.