Caution: Toxic Friendships

Recently. my bff posted a video on her blog, about the emotional stress of ending a friendship…

toxic

Got me to thinking about the quarter-life stage where we’re constantly dealing with evolving relationships. Boyfriends, bosses, family, and even close friends are all relationships that we are managing on a daily basis. As we try to figure one relationship out are we neglecting the other?

This is a phase of our lives where we should really be asking ourselves the difficult questions about who is important to you, who is worth fighting for, and who you’re willing to let go.  Are you in a relationship out of habit or because it’s actually a healthy relationship?

As our time becomes more precious (it goes by soooo quickly these days) it is increasingly more important to reevaluate how you spend your time & who you’re spending it with. It’s very easy for us to say some boy is wasting our time, but rarely do we think about whether our homegirl is wasting our time (she’s not going to be so quick to tell you to drop her).   Not only should you consider who’s weighing you down, but remember to turn the finger the other way around and judge whether or not you are wasting someone else’s time, because that’s not okay either.

Anyhow, here’s a list from the TOXIC FRIENDS website that shows all different types of toxic friends (also applies to: boyfriends, mother’s, father’s, siblings, bosses, coworkers, etc). Oftentimes I think a single toxic friend has many toxic qualities.

Give the list a look two times.  Assess yourself first, then check it out for the varying relationships in your life.

1. The Phony: Better known as the fake friend who is always putting on airs and pretending to be something he/she is not. This type of friend makes it hard for you to believe anything he/she says.

2. The User: This type of friend uses you for their own purposes and goals. You are their best friend as long as you have something to offer them. They always call on you to help them do things and will try to make you feel guilty if you refuse to do what they ask of you. They will often say that you don’t care about them if you don’t help them out.

3. The Daredevil: Also known as the risk-taker. This type of friend does crazy stuff that puts you in harms way. He/she might even engage in illegal activities, such as driving under the influence of either drugs or alcohol or shoplifting all while in your presence.

4. The Cheater: This types of friend steals or messes around with your significant other. He/she only needs to commit such an act one time but if your friend constantly flirts or makes passes at your significant other you might want to end the friendship immediately, especially if the friend has a history of such behaviors.

5. The Exposer: Also known as the gossip. Keep in mind that your secret is not safe with a gossip even if your toxic friend claims to be your best bud. He/she will tell all of your business to whoever will listen. Some will even tell your business to a potential new friend just to try and gain favor with the other friend.

6. The Self-Centered: Also known as the self-absorbed or selfish. Only thinks of self and is concerned with their own wants and needs, not yours. This type of friend is very selfish. He/she doesn’t want to listen to you or your concerns. Most conversations are about him/her and/or their kids and family. When you want to talk about your life, this type of friend will become quite busy all of a sudden. They may be ready to leave your presence or end a phone conversation with you.

7. The Criticizer: Extremely critical of you and finds fault in everything you do. This type of friend is very judgmental. They are critical of all aspects of your life including your looks, the way you dress, the way you live, the way you talk, what you eat, and the list goes on and on.

8.The Competitor: This type of friend wants everything you have and will try to take it from you. This could be your family, other friends, job, spouse, etc. A little friendly competition is OK but when your friend takes it to the extreme, it’s considered toxic.

9.The Copycat: Also known as the imitator. This type of toxic friend wants to be like you. He/she imitates everything you do from the type of clothes you wear to the type of vehicle that you drive. This type of friend may go to any extreme to try and be who you are.

10. The Reliant: This type of friend is overly dependent on you for just about everything. He/she is very clingy and extremely needy. This type of friend is also too dependent on the company or emotional support of other people.

11.The Miserable: This type of friend is always negative, sad or unhappy and tries to make you feel the same way. Misery loves company and if you can be just as miserable as him/her, you’ll remain at the top of their friendship list.

12. The One-Upper: Always trying to be one up on you. If you have done something, your friend has done it ten times better than you and will let you know it. This type of friend will also try to be the first to do something that the two of you planned to do together. He will sometimes do it before you and then tell you after the fact.

13.The Stalker: This type of friend invades your personal space without your permission. Most people don’t consider their friends to be stalkers however; if you tell your friend not to call you any more, send you emails, or leave voice messages on your phone and he/she continues to do so, that’s stalking. Another example of stalking is when your friend comes to your home or place of employment uninvited. That’s also considered stalking and can be very annoying.

14.The Know It All: Thinks they’re an expert on everything and tries to undermine your intelligence. Tries to make you feel incompetent. They don’t want to hear anything you have to say on a subject because they feel they are smarter than you.

15.The Envious: Extremely jealous of you and what you have, dislikes the fact that you have something that they don’t have. It could be your career, family, level of education, personality, automobile, etc. Sometimes an envious friend will try take or destroy what you have.

More resources http://www.toxicfriendships.org

Are you toxic? Are there some toxic traits that you need a friend to have to balance you out?

Few things are black & white, so please don’t take a friend who challenges you in new ways (good for personal development) as totally toxic, if he/she is pushing you towards the ultimate you 😉

XOXO,

Kimmy

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2 thoughts on “Caution: Toxic Friendships

  1. This is a mind-blowing post on toxic friends. I was once trapped in a toxic friendship for one and a half years when I was a university student some years ago. The toxic ‘friend’ came in the form of a flatmate from hell and she fulfilled points no. 1, 2,4, 6,7,8, 9, 11, 12 and 15 followed by a mean and bullying streak. Another point you didn’t mention are points no.16, 17 and 18 which would be the backstabber, the mean bully and the hypocrite respectively.

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