Hetero-Best Friends…

Close, straight, fun, friends are a key piece of the puzzle to live a happy single life.

Here are some examples of friends that DO NOT fit in this category:

* friend who you used to hook up with or date (unless it was soooo long ago & neither of you would EVER go there again…)

* friend who you secretly want to hook up with (because if you had too many one night, you would)

* friend who you know is secretly in love with you & you don’t want them like that (that’s just a fcked up situation.  I don’t think you should torment your friend who’s secretly in love with you by staying in their life)

* your gay best friend (he is more like your best girlfriend and you need a best guy friend)

* the person your friend is dating (even if its totally kosher, deep down your friend won’t really like you being that close with their bf/gf)

* its actually best for this other person to be in the same situation as you.  If you’re single, that person should also be single (faux-bf/gf situations are classified as SINGLE). If you’re in a committed relationship, its best that he/she is as well (Otherwise, the person you/they are dating secretly won’t really like you)

Basically, its a someone who, for whatever reason, won’t try you & you won’t try them.  Not for love or sex. Those are the safe one’s.

They are the BEST:

to go to for advice – your girlfriends/homeboys think the way you do.  they might offer a different perspective, but for the most part their brains work the same way yours does.  There are like, a million books & studies that say the male and female brains just operate differently. If you want the best advice, you need to break the situation down to someone from the opposite sex to help you dig through the issue or develop the best strategy to communicate or act going forward.

go-to’s for a self-esteem booster – our hetero-friends LOVE us! They are close friends with us for a reason & like your girlfriends (guys, i doubt your boys do this) they will tell you how great you are & it’ll just make you feel better.  They’ll tell you stories about some psychotic girls they went out with (unless you’re a psycho) and you’ll instantly recognize that you are in good shape 🙂

to go on faux-dates with – Faux-dates are what appear to be a date from the outside world.  Because its a male & a female going out to dinner, having drinks, or going to the movies.  These friends are the best because you get to do all of those things you would do with someone you’re actually interested in, except you’re not.  Its the attention from the opposite sex you need to balance out your life.  You should call your hetero-frien instead of calling the new guy/gal who you don’t really like (just to go out), the guy who you want to let go of, another girlfriends dinner/guys night (you’re just going to talk about men half the time) or kicking it with your gay best friend (again, guys this doesn’t apply to you because don’t always have a best lesbian friend, wonder why that is?).

to go out with for a fun night in the city (or wherever you live) – Sometimes I just don’t want to have a night out with the girls/or boys.  Last summer my boy & I hit the club together on a whim and had a great time.  He could holler at chics and I could care less and when dudes were tryin to kick it, he didn’t mind at all.  I’ve heard a million times that when you’re with someone you’re more attractive.  The optical illusion that we were together was strong: There were just two of us, both straight, both tall/attractive, both having a great time…we came in the same cab & left in the same cab *although it would’ve been perfectly okay to leave with someone else*…so in essence you’re tricking people into thinking that you’re with someone to make you more appealing 🙂

So yea, this was an ode to my close guy friends who I love to kick it with: Shelley & Merc what up!  John kinda counts, but he’s family…




2 thoughts on “Hetero-Best Friends…

  1. Ummmm, I hate to break the news to you Kimbo, but given the right opportunity, every non-family, hetero, male friend you have would “do it” with you. The only difference between friend and suitor is the degree to which they will try to make that opportunity a reality…

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